Hey, I Know! Let’s Bomb Iran!

THAT should take care of those pesky Epstein files!

Slim Pickens rides the bomb down as only a cowboy can in Dr. Strangelove, 1964. I’ve used this image before in The Normalization of Madness. Unfortunately, this brilliant satire of insanity directed by Stanley Kubrick remains relevant. You can find a trailer here. Great movie.

Short one this week folks in reaction to war we started in Iran. Longtime readers know my preferred topics revolve around climate change and overshoot, but insanity can’t be overlooked either. After all, our many predicaments come down to behavior, an underlying theme of my writing. Welcome new readers, thrilled to have you.

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Damn, I had an entirely different article planned, you know, beating my tired drum about climate change and overshoot, but thanks to Dear Leader my silly subjects which are a HOAX lent me new inspiration. This is what great leaders do. Inspire. Thank Zeus. I mean Trump in whom we trust. I finally saw the light after shining a light up my ass at 3 in the morning for an impromptu Covid check.

True genius is always difficult to grasp for we mere mortals, no?

Anyhow, I snuggled back under the covers with my iPad enraptured by the moment (or should that be in The Rapture of the moment?) by NEW news! Thank Zeus, err Trump, because the news cycle is SO slow these days. It seems America victimized as usual has been tragically forced once again to generously attack another country for not attacking us. It’s so disappointing. Can’t these other stupid countries understand the sacrifice we make in bombing them to keep them safe? Fortunately, a country that does appreciate our efforts, sporty sidekick Israel and newly minted Board of Peace shining star Bibi joined in, quickly pointing out their right to defend themselves from imaginary attacks and to boink and disappear little girls at will.

They say idle hands are the devil’s workshop. This is evidence. The Epstein files show us bombing Iran is the effort of pedophiles to improve. Better to keep those roaming hands busy pushing missile buttons!

So far, our fight for justice has exploded with the moral clarity only Christian-Nazi righteousness can impart in Tehran, Isfahan, Qom, Karaj, and Kermanshah. This is necessary because the nuclear facilities which weren’t producing imaginary bombs that we wiped out months ago weren’t actually wiped out due to a clerical error. Fortunately, ICE investigation revealed this person was of suspicious origin, being brown and the mother of three and ILLEGALLY eating our American food imported from Chile, Mexico and Guatemala. She and her children now live (or possibly not), in a country of unspecified destination.

This is good because only through violent oppression can you have freedom. Until you have a friend or family member incarcerated, tortured or murdered you will never understand how good you have it. When will you people learn this? I’m so exhausted from educating you.

Now, the nattering nabobs of negativism will start pointing out stupid things like there was no UN security vote, no congressional approval, no imminent attack from Iran and no evidence of nuclear weapons. Some will even say we broke the Geneva Conventions again, but dammit, we Americans basically wrote those “conventions” so we can do whatever the fuck we please with them. I mean, look at where conventional thinking got us, on the verge of nuclear war and the second coming of Hitler. Speaking of which, I will put my money on the very stable genius with bigly ideas. Especially my bitcoin money.

Iran’s government has responded without remotely justifiable provocation by lobbing hypersonic missiles at multiple, totally non-threatening military bases in the region. Don’t they know we’re peacekeepers? Obviously, we must pound that point home one dead Iranian human being at a time or perhaps (preferably) apartment buildings full of them, because suffering under a totalitarian regime isn’t enough. And they’re brown and have a weird non-Neo Nazi religion. Sure, they held the beacon of enlightenment and advanced science through the Dark Ages of Europe. Now we can return the favor by lighting up their skies bomb after bomb, after bomb.

US Middle East military bases

All this after careful negotiations with Steve Witkoff and Trump son-in-law Jared Kushner. It used to take a team of experienced diplomats and military professionals to not start a war we started. Now, with the brilliance of Trump we can dispense with those silly teams to fuel the Qatar jumbo jet he was gifted or not rebuild the destroyed East Wing of the White House. Well, maybe after the bomb shelters that were under it are reinforced. Better hurry on that project Dear Leader!

And never mind China and Russia which supply weapons to Iran. I’m certain they won’t conclude America is berserk and supply dirty bombs — tactical nukes as we nobly advance fake Democracy that makes their interests in the Middle East so much more secure! BTW, tactical nuclear warheads have yields up to the tens of kilotons, or potentially hundreds, several times that of the weapons used in the Hiroshima and Nagasaki. How cool is that?